This is Hard
This is hard, right?!
I saw a post from someone on facebook the other day, and it went something like “all these moms complaining about being stuck at home with their kids, I am enjoying every second of this time with my kids bonding and having the opportunity to slow down.” I envied that person’s perspective, really, I do but I also got a little, actually I got very annoyed and upset. I think I was upset because I LOVE my kids, but do not feel that same way---Don’t get me wrong I love reading stories and cooking together. I love the extra snuggle time and pajama time.
BUT it comes with trying to work while also teaching my kids, struggling to try to keep a small business afloat with no money, giving all three kids the type of attention and engagement they each need. It’s so hard! The constant demands of I am hungry, can I have a snack, I am thirsty, can I have some water, can we go outside, can we watch TV, where is Daddy, can we go see him, mom what are you doing, can we do this, no I don’t want to do that, Anna is teasing me, Caleb is hitting me, Someone gets hurt because they are constantly jumping, and running and hurting themselves some sort of way. You get the picture. This is hard...No wait, this is fucking hard!
Last night the kids went off to bed, my husband and I both looked at each other, of course exhausted, but we both had a few work things to wrap up--he heads down to his office in the basement. All of a sudden I heard screaming from downstairs. This wasn’t his normal hollering while watching sports and anyhow, all sports have been canceled. I ran to the door and asked if everything was okay-----“CALEB (our 2 year old) left his popsicle on my keyboard---this is an expensive keyboard (my husband’s hobby is video games and may have purchased a ridiculous keyboard for this purpose)…for the next 20 minutes my husband proceeded to huff and puff and be pissed… he didn’t know it but I was literally laughing out loud in the living room---I couldn’t help it! I felt bad but it was just too funny because it was just all so STUPID and ANNOYING! But I could tell he was just feeling frustrated and it was being directed to this keyboard with melted watermelon popsicle on it! (BTW HE SAVED HIS KEYBOARD). I think my laughing was me also getting rid of some of that frustration I had pent up. This is hard, right?
All day long I am feeling the tug of war----mini battles getting them to shut off the TV or participate in what I think will be a fun art class or math activity… but being in this struggle with the kids, while trying to run a business, while also trying to stay sane… it wasn’t something that I had planned for. I know that we are very fortunate in our situation. I know that we are safe at home together, with the ones we love but it’s still not what I signed up for.
I wrote this blog this morning and am now trying to wrap it up. I just opened up my email to learn that school closure has been extended to at least May 4th, and I am sitting at my new makeshift desk in my living room crying. Just because we “have it easy” doesn’t mean this isn’t hard. This is hard.
Hope you’re all doing as well as you can! Just know that you aren’t alone in this. We are all in this together.